#YNaijaNonBinary: A simple guide to being an idiot in the 21st century

Being an idiot in the 21st century is quite easy. There are two things you won’t be needing on your journey to being a complete idiot – your heart and your brain. The list of things you will be needing is much longer – fear, hate, conspiracy theories, disdain for the truth, not accepting anything that does not suit your ego, the list is endless.

You must reject science, denounce logic, and develop a deep longing for the archaic beliefs of centuries past. You must share these beliefs loudly and do whatever it takes to make sure that everyone subscribes to them. Here are some vital topics where you can put your idiocy to use generously:

On rape – Make jokes about it. You can even build a career in comedy by joking about rape victims. Don’t forget to blame the victim for how they dressed, why they went out at night, why they drank alcohol. Tell them they were asking for it. Shame the victims into silence.

As an idiot, you must affirm that women are second class humans and don’t deserve the same rights as men. It doesn’t even matter if you are a woman yourself, you’ve been spoon-fed from infancy that women are lower beings, so you embrace it. Stand up for unequal pay, unequal rights, inaccessibility to healthcare, make or affirm rules that control a woman’s body. You must defend the notion that there is only one room where a woman belongs in a home. Okay, two, the kitchen and the bedroom.

You must ensure that everyone subscribes to your belief system even if it is to their detriment. Your motto is ‘there is no other way but my way”. Diversity? What’s that?  That word that must not be found in your limited lexicon. Yes, you must love your neighbour but only if they look, think, and act like you. Like a herd, everyone must match to one beat, and independent thought must not be tolerated.

When you get told the moon is green, don’t research it, don’t entertain other opinions, just accept that it’s green. Tell everyone it’s green and when there is clear evidence that it’s not green, attack the claims with words like demonic, evil, abomination. If there was a foot mat to the entrance of your mind, it’ll have the words “no new ideas welcome here” inscribed boldly on it.

Being an idiot in the 21st century is quite easy.  Remember, you won’t be needing your heart or brains on this journey. You’ll need to travel light. The irony is that by travelling light, you’ll be carrying darkness.



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